I Gallop On Goodies

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February 22, 2008

A Varmint is my Co-Pilot

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Despite his instructor's attempts to console him, varmint hat aficionado Nigel is saddened by the news that he didn't pass the Hunter Safety Test.

Obviously he didn't study Chapter 17: Game Care in the New Mexico Hunter Education Manual. The one that my 10-year-old son knows verbatim. And that I will too soon with all the super excellent study help I've been providing, given my er ... vast expertise on the topic.

A question from the sample test:

3. Safe hunters do not carry ___________________ over their shoulders. They could be mistaken for _______________________.

If you need help filling in the blanks, well ... please try to refrain from hunting around my neck of the woods.

Thanks to the Transylvanian Horseman for sending me this fabulous fabulous photo. The best varmint hat I've seen yet. I'm sure the fellow at the local grocery store would be green with envy.

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Bad Ass Larsen

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Reader Shannon just sent me this delightful photograph of BLM bad ass guard donkey Larsen.

"He now lives with friends in VA where he guards their beef cattle on their 300 acre farm. I have too many stories of Larsen to go on about, but the one thing I will tell you was that I never worried about my horse alone in his country pasture with Larsen around! They kill snakes, coyotes, bob cats (!), dogs and on an on. As long as you teach your donkey about who belongs on the farm, all outsiders will be defended against."

I'm going to need all of the stories like this I can get to talk Dennis into another equine. Last night, his response was-- No Kimberly You Are Not Getting A Donkey. (When I married him, he owned zero horses. Now, we have five ... sooooooo ... we shall see ... )

Thanks, Shannon!

February 21, 2008

Opening up a whole can of whup-ASS

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I've been thinking about goslings. And baby chicks. One of my favorite things to do in the Spring is go to the feed store and come home with a box filled with peeping, honking barnyard birds. I love my birds.

But then I've been asking myself if I just want to feed that old bobcat this spring ... you know, the one who ate up everyone this year, including the barn cats? And I got real sad thinking about not having goofy ganders to follow me around on their orange floppy feet. (Years ago, we had a gosling that accompanied my husband Dennis every step of the way during the building of the front deck, until the sweet little fellow got too tired, and then took to napping in the sawdust in the shade of the table saw as Dennis sawed away. Damned bobcat eventually got that nice gander too.)

And then the idea of a guard donkey occurred to me. Uh ... in a flash of light. Like tablets handed down to Moses from the big dude himself. Well, actually, I got the idea from Farmgirl Fare.

Apparently a donkey can open up a whole can of serious teeth and hooves whup ass on a predator. They are highly territorial beasts. I am heartened by this story about guard donkeys on a turkey farm in Colorado--

The young turkeys (who were all gone to be dinner) live in a large open field, with a tall hoop house with perches inside. The young turkeys go in at night. They are protected by his two guard donkeys. We got to meet the donkeys, and after a polite offering of my hand to be sniffed, I was allowed to pet their heads and long ears. Guard donkeys

Dallas explained that donkeys just hate everything in the dog clan: dogs, coyotes, and foxes. In the previous year he lost fifty young birds one night; that's when he hired the donkeys as guards. Since then he hasn't lost any birds.

I believe I can get my hands on a wild donkey (an old gnarly one with a real bad attitude about predators, perhaps) from the BLM in April. April 17-19 to be exact in Artesia, NM.

I hear that girl donkeys aka jennies (I think that's the correct terminology) do the best for this job. I could name her, you know, Xena, for you know who. Donkeyzilla is under consideration as well.

I even read in my internet wanderings a story about donkeys killing a black bear that wandered into their field, although I'm not sure I believe that one.

Watch out you ol' bobcat, I may get my geese and pretty plump hens this spring after all, and the posse may be comin' to get you.

Related link: Sweet pet gives a mean kick

February 15, 2008

Scars

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The breath wells up from deep inside of you, eddies and swirls in your shoulder blades, courses down your arms to your fingertips, and breaks over the scar tissue in Caprichosa’s stiff hind leg as you exhale. You’re no expert, but the breath seems to help the healing process.

The Andalusian horse lifts her tail demurely. Blinks at you through snow white eyelashes. Threatens to fart.

Bitch. You say.

The crafty old mare holds your gaze, then relaxes her tail against her rump, which for all intensive purposes you are embracing, doing the sweeping strokes on page seventy-something of the massage book, in the section about scars. She dozes back off.

You work your way through the pages of the equine massage book. It's held open in the wheelbarrow by the Bute and the MSM bottles. You work your way down the length of the scar tissue. You’ve used the TTouch for years, so this doesn’t seem entirely unfamiliar to you. You bend, you stretch, you cajole the scar tissue with your fingertips. Somewhere you read that it can take as long to break down a scar as it took to build it up.

In the rhythm of the work, in between the breaths, you think of your own scars. You've got your stiffness and your soreness. Your knots. The less than fluid places. You can reorganize scar tissue, is what the massage books say. You imagine the work like waves crashing over rocks, pummeling them into sand.

Kind of like living does.

Caprichosa cocks her hip. When you work on her front end, she grooms you back. She'll put her yellow teeth into it if you don't pay attention.

You wonder at how massaging a wooly mare in the dead of winter can be so pleasant. But the sun is streaming into the barn. Soaking into her shaggy coat. Drenching the goose down of your barn jacket with its warmth.

The horse rests her head in the crook of your arm, breathing you in and out.


February 10, 2008

Cleansing Flight

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During the flying season, bees clear their digestive systems at random in the fields. But in cold weather, they may be cooped up for weeks or months at a time, using rare warm and sunny days to make cleansing flights over short distances in front of the hive. ~ John Vivian, Keeping Bees

Sprawl in the buffalo grass by the kids’ fort, soaking up the sunshine. Traipse through a stand of scrub oak trees, their brown leaves rattling in the wind. Kick at snow still stubbornly clinging to the shady spots. Watch heeler dog Lila Jane, who is usually impervious to fear, get run off by the neighbor’s wolfish looking mutt. He’s really only being friendly, although the big lug doesn’t have any social skills. If the blue dog had a tail, it’d be tucked in between those speckled haunches.

Eat homemade gravy and biscuits. Drink root beer.

Contemplate how far one could get if one started walking down the railroad road, heading West.

Wonder at how a little bee can fly up to twelve miles looking for pollen.

Meet the new neighbor and introduce her to enthusiastically friendly Percheron horse Toby, who doesn’t realize quite how big he is. Promise riding lessons.

Have grandparents visit, and learn that when your husband was five, he and his two sisters and mom and dad got caught in a freak snowstorm in a valley on a Sunday afternoon drive somewhere near Donner’s Pass in his mother’s brand new Rambler. It was his mother ‘s first new car ever, and his dad had to walk 14 miles out in his loafers and her mod vinyl coat for help. On a surprisingly Spring-like day just like this, they were almost the tragic front-page news, although there wasn’t any CNN then. Dennis only remembers his mother singing every song she knew to them. Peas Porridge Hot, he says, that’s what he remembers.

That, and being real scared.

They dug the Rambler out six months later. It started up on the first try, his mom says.

Open a package of fresh comb honey. That irresistible, way overpriced item at the gourmet grocery store downtown. Dig into it with spoons. Feel the drawn comb explode between your teeth.

The sticky sweetness of life.

February 9, 2008

A Varmint is My Co-Pilot

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Larry's varmint hat made him a babe magnet.

How I will be handling all future bobcat problems

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Just try and eat my Spring chickens.

Invasion of the varmints

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I glide down Palace Avenue on my bike, enjoying the quiet of our tourist town on a February afternoon. I dodge ice and potholes, spin the pedals past ancient adobes turned upscale galleries, and when I arrive at the Plaza, I see something I never thought I'd see in this quasi-civilized place.

A man sitting on a park bench with a wolf attached to his head. An honest to goodness wolf. It's got its claws wrapped around that man's head in some kind of stranglehold. I think it jumped him from the trees or from the music pavilion. It's sinking its canines into his nose. It's furry tail is writhing in the wind. Or in the throes of its vicious man-eating attack.

And no one else seems to notice. It's the Twilight Zone, man, so I play it cool too. Not wanting any critters jumping on my head.

My mind is racing like the wheels of my bicycle. I'm pedaling faster. Occasionally a mountain lion meanders down from the mountains, terrifyies the neighborhood, and gets his photo on page one of The Santa Fe New Mexican. Faster. But I've never heard anything about marauding wolves. Especially of the lone variety. Don't they normally travel in packs?

Faster.

I wish that hadn't occurred to me, and I'm suddenly surveying the storefronts for potential predator hiding places. But all I see is a nervous looking forty-something-year-old woman pumping the pedals across the glass panes.

I know I should help the guy. Do something to rescue a fellow human being from a varmint. (Or his own skewed fashion sense, to say the least.) But after my recent brush with this, I suspect I'm being followed, or witnessing an alarming trend in Northern New Mexico. (Which could be very bad for tourism, by the way.)

I tell myself I'm the mom of two kids who need me and get the hell out of there.

Another Eve

A medieval image drawing on the female figure of Wisdom crowned with truth.
A medieval image drawing on the female figure of Wisdom crowned with truth.

I like this gnostic myth. Another Eve is described in the Gnostic Christian texts--

Here, her descriptions are those of a guide, instructor, and even a savior figure. Her essence and actions serve to provide gnosis and illumination for humanity. She is an "other" Eve.

As in the Genesis story, she decides to eat from the tree of gnosis and to share its enlightenment with Adam:

Then their intellect became open. For when they had eaten, the light of acquaintance had shone upon them. When they saw that the ones who had modelled them had the form of beasts they loathed them: they were very aware from that day, the authorities knew that truly there was something mightier than they.

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Anima Mundi, or the Worldsoul, from Thurneisser zum Thurn, Quinta Essentia, (Leipzig: 1574)

If you're interested, you can read the whole article here.

Comments are welcome, most certainly. But I'm not really interested in engaging in any theological debates about this myth vs. that myth, etc. To put things into context on my end, I don't think any of these stories are historical facts, but metaphors and allegories instead. I used to think that "myth" meant something fictional or untrue. But on this quest for gnosis, I've come to realize that myths are more true than any history. It has something to do with the Anima Mundi, the Worldsoul, Sophia, Christos, the riches of human consciousness ... but I can't quite articulate that yet.

It has something to do with how wonderfully each of us are made.

Heck, I'm writing my very own myth every day. And so, I think, are you.

February 7, 2008

The things I don't care about

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By Dianne Sylvan. Read it all.

Here are the things I don't care about:

I don't care what the name of your religion is.
I don't care what the names of your gods are.
I don't care how old your religion is.
I don't care if your great-great-whatever grandmother passed down your famtrad Book of Shadows under the watchful eye of the Inquisition.
I don't care if an entire civilization worshipped your Goddess for ten thousand years.
I don't care if you made Her up based on manga or Tolkien or a dream you had.
I don't care where you place your altar.
I don't care which direction you call Earth.
I don't care how psychic you are.
I don't care if you're smarter than me.
I don't care why you eat meat, or don't.
...

What do I care about?

I care that your religion has made you a kinder, more compassionate person.
I care that you can hold down a job.
I care that you're growing past whatever happened to you as a child or last year.
I care that your gods help you become stronger without coddling you.
I care that you are willing and able to adapt and change as your life does.
I care that you care about the Earth.
I care that you care about someone and something outside yourself.
I care that you practice your religion with devotion and reverence.
I care that you respect others' paths.
I care that you never stop learning.
I care that you can conduct adult relationships with respect and understanding.
I care that you get how hilarious life is.
I care that you know when to ask for help.
I care that you realize that someone will always be smarter, more powerful, and more together than you.
...

February 6, 2008

Ridden hard and put away wet

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OK. OK. So the old Sunday School story with the apple and the garden and it being all Eve's fault makes me real mad. But I do give the writers credit for their ability to put down a good half of the human race for a couple of thousand years as a result.

What keeps me sane, personally, is that I choose my myths these days, although I didn't always have the courage to go there. The gnostic creation myths are much kinder to women. In fact, Eve brings knowledge into the world despite a god who wishes to keep her and Adam in blissful ignorance.

Sacred Nature. In the Bible Eve is the troublemaker who causes both Adam and Eve to get thrown out of Eden, i.e., alienated from Sacred Nature. This script is rather twisty because it makes Woman, the embodiment of Nature, the cause of a rupture from the natural world. In the Gnostic version of the Fall, the twisty serpent who tempts Eve to acquire forbidden knowledge is presented as a benefactor rather than an evil interloper. The Gnostic version of the Fall is a rare example of a direct and deliberate inversion of a script.

Ridden hard and put away wet

I didn't grow up quite under this, but close.

The Archons at work ...

Are You Popular? One of the best examples of post-World War II social guidance films, with examples of "good" and "bad" girls, proper and improper dating etiquette, courtesy to parents, and an analysis of what makes some people popular and others not. A scream and a sobering document of postwar conformity.

Ridden hard and put away wet

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What kind of god drapes women from head to toe in yards of suffocating black?

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What kind of god says that women should keep their mouths shut? Or that they can't be priests in his church? Oh, and then there's that silly matter with the apple, a piece of fruit, for crying out loud, and all that flurry of he said, she said and who gave what to whom.

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Well. I'm feeling ornery today. And Jehovah. Yaweh. Allah. Whatever name he might be called in your neck of the woods.

He can just kiss my ass.

February 5, 2008

Aye.

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My daughter’s Andalusian horse Caprichosa has been thoroughly massaged.

The white horse is hanging her head, muzzle almost touching the ground, eyes shut, practically snoring. We’ve got four other horses peering over the fence at us into the three-sided barn, wondering where in the heck their massages are too. Like Anne over at Smells Horsey, we’ve also got Pet Horses.

At sixty-one degrees, it’s a surprisingly balmy afternoon in the middle of the deep freeze, and the world is melting into what would be ankle-deep mud if the temperature wasn't going to drop a good 40 degrees almost as soon as the sun sinks below the horizon. It's still too slick for riding Cap with her stiff leg. So we decide to go for a walk. Me, Jessie, Cole, Caprichosa, bob-tailed heeler dogs.

Jessie has the wild-eyed heeler sisters mesmerized with a trick she’s just learned in the guide dog program at school. If even one iota of a notion of chasing a horse starts percolating in the tenacious brains of the cattle dogs, she wields a single vowel which brings them into complete submission—

A.

Aye-Aye-Aye, Lila. Come back. Aye. At which point the too-smart-for-her-own-good blue heeler, who is more often than not, I hate to admit, too smart for me, snaps to like a four-legged soldier, eager to please the eleven-year-old girl with the magic vocabulary.

Yes, my daughter croons in approval. No Good Dog here. It's not what you say, Jessie explains. The guide dog folks taught her that, and I wonder at their knowledge.

Lila grins and wriggles at my daughter's feet.

Cole and I stare at each other in disbelief, certain we are witnessing a miracle--this taming of the blue hound. We both practice, saying it softly to ourselves. Aye. Aye. Aye. Fat Red Dawg, who is a much more malleable sort than her sister, looks at us suspiciously, as if we are casting evil spells.

I boost Cole onto Cap's back for the first mile. She doesn't seem to mind the large stick he's carrying. It's all wrapped up with baling twine. It's a bow, he tells me. The stick shoved through the belt loop on his jeans is an arrow. She's a heater, he exclaims, legs draped softly around the horse's sides, laying a cold cheek against her neck as she marches forward.

Snowflakes melt in Caprichosa's mane. Jessie says they are the shape of stars. And on closer inspection, indeed they are. We stand in the road, marveling. The heelers swirl.

Cap carries Jessie the second mile with Cole traipsing along behind us, keeping a close watch for any bad guys he can shoot with his bow and arrow. I am walking fast now, enjoying the length of my stride, the air in my lungs. From somewhere I hear Jessie say, Mom, but I trudge forward, thinking of snowflakes shaped like stars. She says again, more insistently, Mom!

I stop and look back around.

Caprichosa's nose is tucked to her chest, her speckled neck arched like a swan's, and she's dancing in place with my daughter clutching her mane, looking alarmed. The white mare is making deep huffa huffa huffa sounds way down in her chest. It is a growl. An exclamation. She's got that gleam in her eye. The one that means she's up to no good, this ornery and also gentle horse. But mostly ornery right now.

Quit! I tell her, laughing, although Jessie's not amused. And the big horse quits immediately, but gives me that look like I've spoiled her fun.

No Ayes here, I think with more than a little satisfaction at stopping a thousand pound creature in her tracks. Obviously, I am much better with horses than heelers.

Big spoilsport, Caprichosa snorts.

We head back for the barn, swept up in a curtain of stars.

February 4, 2008

Redolent

You of my blood, speak the truth.
Close your lying lips.
Don't be a pomegranate whose outer face is fresh.
Its outer face is fresh, but inside it is full
of rotting corn seed.
Be like wine jars filled with redolent wine.
Their outer shells are clay and pitch,
but inside is redolent wine.
The message of life shouts. Ears of my chosen,
come and hear me.

-- Songs from the Mandaean Liturgy

Related Link: A loss to the cultural inheritance of mankind

Breakfast

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A sliver of moon dangles just above the horizon next to the brightest star I can imagine. I think of a cool Vogue model with sparkly diamond earrings and the collar of her dark blue evening coat turned up. I turn up the collar of my coveralls. Trudge toward the barn in boots you'd never see in any fashion magazine.

Four horses mill around the feeder. I fill it up. Wade into the darkness swinging my lantern calling, "Toby! Toby!" If I had neighbors, they would no doubt think I'm a very loud woman, especially this early in the morning. But at least I'm scaring that old bobcat off. And his kin.

No answer.

I trudge through the silence, through the blackness, barely able to discern the darker dark of the pinon trees when I hear chug chug chug ... whoosh whoosh whoosh slicing through the silence, down from the top of the pasture and passing somewhere near me without even a hello.

Chug chug chug whoosh whoosh whoosh.

Aroused from his sleeping or his draft horse dreaming in his favorite corner way up there where the world unfolds in amber and azure, Toby has finally heard the breakfast call.

February 2, 2008

Saturday Night Torch and Twang

I've gotten some funny emails about about my punk rock stage. (FYI, the bar was called Crazy Mama's. We used to make the floor shake.)

I don't know. Maybe having shorn purple hair was just the inevitable result of too much time spent in the barn wearing overalls. Although you can't blame it on the horses. (That's easy for me to say. Our kids aren't teenagers ... yet.)

This is in honor of all us girls in the 80s who wore combat boots and party dresses ...

(I just bought Dennis the mother of all MP3 players, a big hawg of a Zune. He was downloading some Billy Idol last evening, and all of a sudden I remembered how much I loved that angry young man with an attitude and all that leather. There was a small dance party in our kitchen last evening. I had on my barn boots. And Carhartt coveralls. Lord, I didn't see that coming 25 years ago.)

Saturday Night Torch and Twang

Whoa Nelly. We just got home from seeing this. I remember reading some Upton Sinclair at some point in my life. College? High School? From my parents' library at home?

This was an absolutely astonishing film. Dennis and I looked around at the audience, and everyone seemed to be over 40. I heard on the radio the other day that people are reading less and less these days. Are they talking about everyone, or just the youngsters? I find that ... sobering.


From Wikipedia
. Time magazine's Richard Schickel named the film one of the Top 10 Movies of 2007, ranking it at #9, calling Daniel Day Lewis’ performance “astonishing”, and calling the film “a mesmerizing meditation on the American spirit in all its maddening ambiguities: mean and noble, angry and secretive, hypocritical and more than a little insane in its aspirations.”

Oh. Yeah.

February 1, 2008

Fleabitten

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I never thought we’d be at this point. Isn’t it silly? Because sooner or later we all wind up here whether we think we will or not.

Caprichosa, my old friend, the beautiful horse who saved my life so long ago, now finally getting, really, truly old at 16+.

And me pushing 50.

(Well, OK, older …)

The white andalusian arches her neck as we ride forward through the snow and the biting wind. I am amazed, even in her diminished physical shape, at the roundness of the horse, the rubenesque curve of her neck with all that mane lying on both sides, her backbone rising up beneath me in the absence of a saddle, her fringe of eyelashes catching snowflakes, one nostril testing the air. My legs wrap softly around her warmth. She's like a big heater. A furry furnace. An equine fireplace. I can feel her heart, beating, her breathe bellowing in her lungs.

We are wrapped in white. And it's flecked with bits of red, the earth over which we’re traveling. The wind is as flea-bitten as the mare. It stings my cheeks, sets the heeler dogs racing just out of reach of Caprichosa’s teeth. In the distance, the sun peeks through the clouds and illuminates the startled mountaintops for just a minute like a searchlight, penetrating the gray, piercing the veil.

What is god looking for, I wonder?

It seems that the mare’s hooves are no longer touching the ground as she makes a smooth transition from jaunty walk to trot. I place my hand on her furry neck, and realize I am as content here with Caprichosa as I ever will be anywhere.

We ride forward.