Well, the Transylvanian Horseman predicted correctly, and the Wife Swap people have told me that I can trade places with this lady for a week.

All I have to do, they say, is get the pigs to market. I told them that would be fine. I could probably handle this, although I'm going to have to read up on pig wrangling. Not enough controversy for the producer, apparently, and then she suggested that I could go here--

Cool. I said. Pigs and wine (that may be wishful thinking, because this looks kind of like one of those Bible Belt places where you can't lay a hand on a good California or French merlot) in the great out of doors. Now that's my kind of afternoon. When do I leave?

Finally, she came back at me and suggested that this very interesting woman might be a candidate, although I'd have to sign some kind of agreement saying I would be careful to not break any of the 300+ glass chicken statues she has around the house--

At which point Dennis said absolutely, unequivocally NO to the whole idea. No one needs an extra $20,000 (yep, that's what they told me they pay each family for an episode) that bad.

Well, there goes my slightly used Western Hauler. Sigh.